|
|
|
December 23rd, 2008
01:14 am - taken from maggie
1. Did you kiss more than 5 people? yes
2. Did you ask anyone out? no
3. Are you gonna kiss anyone when the fireworks start? probably not
4. Did you lose any friends? yes, but it was for the best.
5. Did you gain any friends? yes! and most importantly I gained sisters.
6. Did you do something new? I went saki bombing. Rode the chinatown bus. Countless drugs. Went on two dates in one weekend.
7. Did anyone important to you die? no
8. Did you change? I think I've grown up a bit
9. Are you happy with the year overall? yes...I was surprised in many ways-by myself and others.
10. Whats the best thing that happened to you? getting over my ex boyfriend, all the summer music festivals, gaining many sisters. Rioting at Fenway with random kids from Northeastern. Eating mac and cheese at the four seasons in Boston.
11. Did you fall in or out of love? I fell out of love.
12. Are you happy the years almost over? No
13. Are you going to change something about yourself next year? just improvements, because I'm always critiquing myself
14. Do you think 2009 with be better than 2008? I hope my life just keeps getting better
15. Did you go on summer vacation? summer roadtrips to festivals, St. Louis for STS9, and to Minnesota for 10KLF, also Madison, WI for my g-pas bday.
16. Did you lie to your parents? a little
17. Did you get into a fight? yeah bitch fight with Cassie on the way back from 10klf
18. Did you leave the country? nope=(
19. Did you have a good birthday? it was so so, I did everything I wanted though so I was generally happy.
20. Did anyone in your family get married/engaged? nah
21. Do you think you grew? in size? nope.
22. Did you dye your hair? yup. blonde highlightss
23. Who were you on the phone with the most? I dont like the phone, but def my mom.
24. Did anyone sing to you? no not this year
25. Did you sing to anyone? all the time
26. Did anyone tell you they loved you? yes
27. Did you go to the hospital? nope
28. What did you eat and drink the most? whiskey, pizza, and mac and cheese
29. Did you change your top 8 at least 8 times? I'm no longer a myspaceer
30. Did you change your profile 10 times? nah
31. Did you change your default 20 times? maybe half that
32. Did you get a tattoo? YES and I am quite proud of it:)
33. Did you vote? ya! with my mom ahah so cute
34. Are you gonna make a new years resolution? yes, I like setting goals it keeps me focused.
35. Did you stick to your new years resolution? for the most part
36. Think you'll date someone in 2009? if I find someone who is dateable haha
37. Where will you be when the fireworks start? starting to drink...I'll probs be working that night anyways
38. Do you think you'll make new friends in 2009? thats my goal
39. Are you hoping to meet someone special? not hoping but it's always nice to meet a cool guy
40. How do you feel, now that another year has gone by? I feel like I limit myself a lot. as always I need to break out of my comfort zone. That will probably be my new years resolution. I guess I am scared of time slipping by too quickly without really living life to the fullest (whatever that means).
|
October 15th, 2008
12:26 am
This is the longest I've gone without talking to Chris. It was probably one of my better decisions to stop talking to him. I no longer think of him in hindsight whenever I am about to make a decision. Very refreshing.
Updates:
I love babysitting. Never thought I would actually say that but looking after Camille is just like having a little sister. Its not like Rob ever really talked to me when I lived at home so this makes up for lost time.
Libby is right, she's like a new friend haha.
Camille had a friend over last friday and we made lolcats. I don't really understand the humor behind them but this is ( what they came up with )
I wish I could post all the text messages I got this weekend. All I gotta say is why do I attract crazy people? le sigh.
Oh btw, Civil War is the most intense drinking game. Ever.
|
October 6th, 2008
11:49 pm
http://www.bleedcubbieblue.com/2008/10/5/628774/elegy-to-the-2008-cubs
This article sums up my feelings over the past few days.
RIP 2008 Chicago Cubs
|
September 17th, 2008
12:34 am
To Do:
Go visit Sarah Palin in Alaska so I can see the Aurora Borealis
|
September 5th, 2008
07:07 pm
I'm finally getting my tattoo.
On Monday, September 15th, 3:00PM this lady will be inked.
I am getting a simpler version of this sparrow behind my left ear.
I'm also getting one of these french phrases underneath it:
l'allumier en l'espoir = light in hope
félicité = bliss
pour rêver = to dream
in my own handwriting.
It will always remind me of the best time of my life. I had one of the worst years senior year and Paris was a turning point for me. Paris provided clarity and space for me to breathe. I hadn't felt that comfortable with myself in a long time and whenever I feel like I'm losing myself I always think back to how I felt at that moment in time.
I wish I got this tattoo in Paris, but this will have to do.
|
August 27th, 2008
11:39 pm
Tonight was my last night in town (Cue the ben folds song "steven's last night in town").
No but really, I'm excited to go back to school. I'm nervous, but I know that feeling will quickly subside once I'm settled in.
Took my last bike ride on the prairie path today. I'm going to miss that. I just wish I had taken my camera to Lincoln Marsh because I ride past there everyday. Next time though. I can't complain-my daily bike rides will be exchanged with exhilarating runs along the Charles River. sigh
Dropped by work, said goodbye to everyone. I just wish that Julie was there when I dropped off that recipe for my grandma's carrot cake for her.
She was at a wake. I don't think it was for her cousin because she would have been gone for a longer time...
Isaac and Jessyka told me to chug some beer for them haha and rosemarie teased me about all my 'friends with benefits'-that lady is a nut but thats why she's an interesting person.
I saw my baby boy today. He is getting so big it is ridiculous. His hair is so long now-I told Joel he should dred it but of course Jess would have a fit haha.
He is such an intelligent little man. At 6 months he is so inquisitive and amazed at the world. I love the innocence of babies it is so refreshing.
I taught him home row today on the keyboard, I wish I had that picture-must get that from Joel.
I'm going to miss him and his dad so much.
After watching the democratic national convention on tv, cassie picked me up.
I love that girl. Just sitting and talking with her in front of dunkin donuts under the gaze of three bored sheriffs was the best end of the night.
Love you all.
|
10:18 am
So I wrote this entry awhile ago about not overanalyzing things. Okay so most of my entries tend to have that theme hidden in there somewhere I'll admit.
I'm always looking for ways to release my pent up energy. I exercise many times a week and that helps tremendously. I used to practice yoga and it is definitely a shame that I stopped.
I've decided to start meditating. I've always been afraid that I would fail ( dun dun dun...trigger the world's smallest violin...who ISN'T afraid of failure) but that is completely ridiculous. I'm just really impatient and don't imagine myself sitting for hours not doing ANYTHING (or what I perceive as not doing anything, because even doing 'nothing' accomplishes something...).
But I think that's exactly what I need. The antithesis of always wanting to be doing something-to keep my mind running crazy. If I'm always busying myself with something there is little to no chance I'll let my mind wander to thoughts I want to avoid.
Wrong! That is so wrong. My brain and subsequently me, has been avoiding all the lessons I've learned from people wiser than me for quite some time.
C'mon what was Senorita's dos centavos for anyways. (She was the person who taught me to meditate a few years ago).
And why have I forgotten my lovely Tao?
"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
-Lao Tzu
|
August 26th, 2008
11:22 am - 006
I don't think I've written this much in an online journal in a long time.
Things to be excited about:
-the book list for my english and anthropology classes
-sailing with kailen
-BEING BACK IN BOSTON IN LESS THAN TWO DAYS
All that is needed to complete this rosy picture is for Chance to come back to Boston safely <3.
I am definitely ready to leave. I need to get away from stupid shit for sure.
I really don't have anything to say in here
( yeah so I got this email today... )
|
August 24th, 2008
08:03 pm - 004
"hey
i can't leave korea
i'm at the airport waiting on the people to get my baggage so i can go back to seoul.
they stopped me at the immigration desk, and they made me go over to the immigration office.
they made me make a statement, and they wouldn't let me make a phone call until after i had made the statement.
...
i hope everything works out smoothly and i won't have any huge problems with this... see you in sept./oct. *crosses fingers and taps foot nervously*"
So I got this message from my friend Chance today. I'M FREAKING OUT FOR HIM RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to kick some South Korean ass right now.
|
01:53 am - 003
I had the most classic night.
Think
unincorporated wheaton/carol stream
at a neighborhood block party
after my own family party
with old friends
Drinking, smoking, playing guitar
Typical family/neighborhood shit show.
Who was it that loved people watching? I don't want to remember.
Have you seen pineapple express?
I noticed that when I write when I'm flying I pose a lot of questions that really don't make sense. Simple and meaningless maybe, but most likely take root in my mind only to resurface when I'm in a haze.
I miss school, especially now that it is finally interesting.
|
August 23rd, 2008
05:51 pm - 002
Saw the faint last night at the vic. Love the vic, but not as much as I love the metro!
I can attest that they are fantastic live for sure. Great light show as everyone says, well the reviewers say, but even better stage presence. Their new cd fasciinatiion is actually pretty good considering I'm always skeptical when bands bust out new cds after their old ones were so good.
Genghis tron-pretty good, lights were trippy to say the least. Some of their vocals were a little much but the synth + hardcore screaming was an interesting mix. All I can say is where was that double bass?! haha
My favorite part was when they'd cut all their screams and battle it out with the synth and keyboard, and then they'd try to headbang in slowmotion in-sync.
Jaguar Love- ok what the deuce. No one who I was with knew who the blood brothers were but all throughout their set I couldn't help thinking that their lead singer sounded EXACTLY like them. Turns out their lead singer is the johnny whitney of the blood brothers! He broke up the blood brothers to start this piece of crap. All I can say is what the hell was he thinking???
His ear piercing voice worked for his former band, but not this one. I had visions of mick jagger in a different body mixed with a little prince. And even that is insulting to both.
A name like Jaguar Love has got to get the scenesters creaming their pants. C'mon one of their songs is called "Jaguar Pirate" enough said.
The Faint- I was busy getting a little bière (I have to say it like that because I'm going through Paris withdrawal right now) right as they started playing but I instantly ran back so I wouldn't miss a minute. They blew my mind for sure. I didn't know what to really expect from them but if I had any expectations they would have been shattered.
They played a mix of old and new which was good. I got so excited when they played Posed to Death that I ditched the people I was with and ran to the front (yeah you would expect that from me-crazy girl at concerts).
And when they played Paranoiattack you know I was dancing my ass off.
I've seen a lot of fantastic light shows this summer but the Faint totally held their own with theirs last night.
At one point the silhouette of Todd's (who was dressed in this ridiculous mad scientist get-up) face singing was projected on the screen which was a cool effect.
All in all, from a scale of 1-awesome, the show was awesome.
|
March 3rd, 2008
11:00 pm
At the risk of being another starstruck teen-
GUESS WHO WAS JUST 5 FT FROM JIM STURGESS? I WAS!
I went to the Boston premiere of the movie 21 which is based off the book "Bringing Down the House". It was filmed at my school, even though it was MIT kids who counted the cards.
I was too nervous to shake his hand like everyone else but at least I got to smell his aftershave.
So Jim's character Ben's little moments of reflection were corny, and no surprise did Kate Bosworth prove to be less than stellar-I liked the movie.
Still in awe.
|
February 10th, 2008
06:15 pm
Valentines Day is Thursday.
I'm helping one of my good friend Chance get ready for a romantic Valentines date.
Romantic dinner, walk, lighting and room all smothered in delicious hot chocolate.
I'm crossing my fingers that all goes well for him!
ever get so wasted that you don't remember being belligerent and mean to people you hardly know? I have. Oh goodness Kate sometimes you are such a mess.
♥
|
January 16th, 2008
12:48 am
I feel like a newborn just taking its first timid steps...stumbling a little at first...but in time right foot follows left and new territory is gained.
I waiver back and forth between liking, even accepting, this new situation I am in. Without Chris.
Everyday I am taking even more risks, though. Breaking out of my usual habits is a strain I'd rather not endure but necessary in order to not repeat previous patterns of sadness and depression. Periods of over analyzation, skepticism, and although I hate to admit it, fear, shouldn't plague my life anymore. This all sounds so optimistic.
I say this, yet I am progressing in the tiniest of baby steps.
To the observer its not much but I'm hoping its something.
Today I took an assignment from one of the school newspapers the daily free press. A former version of myself would have turned it down with some half-hearted excuse because I would have been afraid to dissapoint them perhaps, but more so actually venture out and interact with people to find an interesting subject to capture in a photo.
I don't want to fail, no one does.
Tomorrow is another day and I hope I don't dissapoint myself.
|
November 28th, 2007
11:41 pm - procrastination
Wednesdays I tutor underprivileged 6th and 7th graders in a high risk area in Chelsea, MA.
Ok that sounds much more noteworthy then it really is when you put it that way.
All we do is help them with homework for an hour, engage in some sort of physical activity, then have a planned activity like skits or something. It really isn't all that different than any other after school program for kids. However, after thinking about it the kids who actually want to be in the program are the kids who are least likely to drop out of school in a few years. That's pretty amazing since the majority of their peers will drop out anyways. That's hard for a kid like me to imagine coming from a wealthy, and highly educated town. Dropping out of school is a non negotiable 'no' in my family, and many others I'm sure.
Plus gangs are so common in this town, that to hear of places that don't have them is so foreign to these kids.
Besides the girl I tutor, Yamilex, my favorite is this girl Jaime. We had a Mary Kay rep come in to talk to the girls about outer beauty and do face masks and a girl scout leader come in to talk to the girls about inner beauty. We had to write our own personal mantra's on what we loved about ourselves and so on. However Jaime's was so brutally honest, I just wanted to giver her a hug. I can't quote her exactly, and I can't do her prose justice, but I will give it a shot.
Instead of all the kids who said they loved different aspects of their personalities, she went even deeper than that.
She basically told the world that God put her on this earth not to be beautiful but to create beautiful things. She loves nothing more than to sit in her room and draw, or paint or write beautiful pictures through words or pictures. And the heartbreaking thing is...by society's standards she really isn't physically beautiful.
I haven't met someone so in tune with their selves that has the guts to admit and realize it like she is able to do. Most people my age can't even be that honest with themselves, and it is admirable that at the insecure and awkward age of 12 she is able to do that.
I'm actually surprised how much I like tutoring these kids, since I am impatient with babies. But each week I look forward to Wednesday, and the 3 hours just seems to fly by.
|
November 26th, 2007
05:47 pm
Chris and I took a break.
Well a break up/break. I'm not sure.
I am...but I have to be careful about defining it exactly to him.
I found out a few months ago that he is friends with some people who can employ him to make some quick money in Mexico.
When he came to Boston, he was able to tell me more about it and how he was expanding the experiments in growing...
Red flag right there.
I told him that I couldn't date someone who did that and I didn't like it at all.
His response? "You knew this from the beginning, I have this desire to make money any way I can and this is a fast way to do it".
Where is his sense of right and wrong? He knows its wrong...yet he still does it! He used to tell me he likes the thrill, but he is 20 years old--definitely too old to delude himself that this is still okay.
I come back for Thanksgiving break expecting to hear every last detail of his new 'plans'. To his credit, he has never lied to me about anything and has always told me everything.
However, Friday night I am sitting on his bed stoned, listening to him talk to his friend about these 'secret' plans.
I can't really tell exactly what's going down but if he went through with these plans it would have been so risky and so dumb. I was appalled. Disappointed. Furious.
How could he seriously think this was okay? How could he think that these "precautions" he was taking would protect him? WHAT THE HELL.
I sat there and angry silence trying to find the words to say but my mind and mouth wouldn't string together coherent thoughts.
I told him again, I can't be with someone who does this shit. I told him how disappointed I was, and how he would be crushing his family and mine.
I broke up with him Sunday morning.
I told him that the only person who could change him was himself, and because I didn't like the life he's leading I couldn't be in a relationship with him.
He flipped a shit. Trying to make me feel guilty saying things like "If you loved me you would help me through this, help me change" To which I replied: "Bull-fucking-shit. I am not your mother, you are 20 years old, grow up and realize what you are doing is not only dumb, but completely wrong. Change for yourself; you need to."
Told me, that if we broke up we would be totally done with no contact whatsoever.
Arguments went on all day.
Ended with me sitting outside my dormroom with all my stuff sobbing uncontrollably because I was locked out and he wouldn't stop trying to change my mind by sending me down a guilt-trip that I didn't deserve.
Finally we decided that we needed a break, and we would re-evaluate things when I come home from Christmas break.
He says he's already told everyone he's out of the game...but what is a change worth if it's overnight? How can he instantly change the life he's known for so long? Do I really want to re-establish our relationship?
I am not sure if he's changing for the right reasons.
All I can really say is that I'm thankful for Kerry, Alex and Lauren for helping me through this. It was such a hard decision, because I truly do love him. And to my mom-Thanks for the advice.
I keep repeating to myself that I can't let him manipulate me into getting back with him just because he has "changed"
Sigh.
|
September 26th, 2007
03:42 pm
So is it any surprise that I absolutely LOVE boston??? I think not. Though, I am positively way too busy but I like it...Cassie sorry I will call you sometime today/tomorrow
My classes:
Arabic- wow is that tough, I'm practically failing but my professor assures me that with a little more practice on dictation my grade will definitely improve. Its all good, Arabic is a fun language to learn
Astronomy: ok the night labs are cool when we observe constellations, but hey its a breeze and kinda boring....
Intro to IR: love the professor! Pretty much still a review of Stellwagen's class, but it is definitely more in depth. If you go to south and want to be an IR major eventually take his class it will give you the right background knowledge to understand the college level course
WR100 Culture of the 1950s: at first I thought my writing teacher was a little too uptight and particular but she's very good at what she does and the books we are reading are very interesting. i.e. On the Road, the philosophy of andy warhol etc.
pictures of this beautiful city later
Current Music: Talib Kweli
|
January 18th, 2007
10:30 pm
I'm feeling out of sorts to put it mildly.
I feel like my brain has this mental block that leaves me with awkward words that tumble out of my mouth without stopping.
I feel like I have to control every moment to make it perfect to make sure I'm funny enough or sociable enough or friendly enough. If I don't have control over what I do... I don't even know.
I don't know the consequences my mind is tricking me to think are so dire, but they are there.
But when I step outside at the situation and say "who the hell is this bumbling social retard"
I realize it's me.
I've got to be okay without control
but Its become an obsession.
I feel like it's pushing people away too. Kind of pathetic. I wish I could just let go.
|
January 3rd, 2007
10:41 am
So this is the new year.
Last year wasn't that bad. Well it sure had its bad moments but I won't get into those.
I'm not sure what I want to say about the past year. Sometimes it feels wceird to write about the past because its already said and done with so maybe there's no point to it.
Last year was full of making friends, losing some too, great parties, random adventures etc.
this all seems so cyclical, this is probably the same entry I could have written for 2005 too, I guess its funny how everything blends together.
Anywho
My new years eve started out fun: went shopping with Alex and Maggie for some new years eve attire.
Got ready etc.
Went to Brad's which was fine...Anthony, Alex, Maggie, Greg, Evan, Jon, Jim, and Chris were there among others.
Until Brad flipped shit when I made some comment about my boyfriend Chris coming to party with us. Shocked? yeah since he said he could come over like a week ago...but the details aren't important.
Thanks to Anthony, Alex and Maggie for being there like always, I don't know what I'd do without you guys <3.
So Chris came with his friend, picked me up, and we pre-gamed it at his house with his whiskey and the rest of my rum.
partook in my favorite activity: breaking apart bud, yeah sounds stupid but it relaxes me. It's silly, I barely smoke it anymore, i just like breaking it apart for people. whatever.
Walked to the kegger that was a few blocks away from his house. You could hear it before you even got there it was crazy.
Entering that house was like stepping into a sea of sweat, booze and slutty bitches. If you like to watch people as much as I do you would have loved to see this party.
It's funny to watch the button down shirt, baggy jeaned drunk guy entice the barely standing, almost passed out, short dress and stiletto boot wearing girl to spend the night after the party. Yes that's a staple for any party, but it seemed as everyone was dressed the same way so it was almost like a robot fiesta. Guess you had to be there.
Tried a little Cristal, had some of Chris's friend Nick's Dom Perignon (which I love ever since having it for my Grandpa's birthday).
But let me tell you, that Cristal was something else, if you ever try it, savor it, because it is delicious.
Let it be known though, that I managed the impossible: drank more than Chris M.
So I got my New Year's Eve Midnight Kiss after all ladies and gentlemen who are goofy enough to still be reading this entry.
lots of other stuff happened which would take me forever to write. After a night of debauchery and drunkenness I say it was a pretty good new years even if I didn't spend it with my friends.
|
August 22nd, 2006
03:23 pm
Things I will have to do this year:
Find two teachers to do my rec letters
Stay on top of college apps.
See if I can TA
sigh
please bring me second semester, i get anxious/nervous and in denial at the mention of 'applying' and 'college' in teh same sentence
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
shesa_bombshell's journal
